This is about summer rules

Summer. It’s so close I can taste it. Or maybe it’s the Mango Madness iced tea I made my own self that I ┬átaste (a new innovation: cooling down your regular tea and icing that mother)(I know it’s not at all new, but it is to me and my new-found teapreciation so SHUT UP ABOUT IT). Whenever the seasons change, I like to give myself little challenges and goals to accomplish, big or small, just to feel like I’m doing something with my life, and this summer is no different. So here I present some of my summer goals and/or rules, that I will try my hardest to live by.

You’re welcome, nobody.

  1. TWERK – This is a given and also just a continuation of what I already try to do on a daily basis.
  2. Wear more neon – Any time I wear any bit of neon, I get compliments from strangers. I normally wear neon on my nails, but I’ve decided to expand this to everywhere else. The best of all came today when a lady on the bus turned to me as she got off the bus and said, “I hope you get told 10 times today that you look so fly.” The fact that she had a moustache strengthens this compliment, not weakens it. Also it’s like I’m punching you straight in the retinas when I’m walking down the street and I’m super into that.
  3. DON’T GIVE A FUCK – This might surprise some, but when it comes to certain things, I really care about what people think. I think a certain amount of self-awareness and how you come across to people is necessary just to maintain civil and peaceful relationships with acquaintances and also to nurture budding friendships. For better or for worse, it’s important to me that I’m in good standing with people. But what happens when you make the decision that other people’s opinion of you doesn’t actually matter and you just don’t give a fuck? I’m not talking about being a rude boy to my nearest and dearest. They’ve already made the questionable decision of loving me for me. TOO BAD. NO TAKESIES BACKSIES. I mean everyone else. Here’s what I mean:
    • PAR EXAMPLE 1: Let’s say Regular Ann has a crush on someone, let’s call him Boy Crush. Regular Ann would do her very best to act cool and to not let on that she’s mega crushing on BC. Why? Because BC is someone she’ll probably end up having to work/perform with and so she doesn’t want to make things awkward for him and mostly her by revealing feelings that may or may not be reciprocated. Regular Ann tries (and often succeeds, much to her own detriment) to make Boy Crush think she doesn’t really give a good goddamn about him for the sake of saving face. Summer Ann, SHE DON’T GIVE A FUCK. She’ll let you know she be alllllllllll up on dat.
    • PAR EXAMPLE 2: Regular Ann will endure speaking to someone she really doesn’t like for the sake of politeness. Why? Who knows and who cares? Summer Ann, SHE DON’T GIVE A FUCK. She’ll be alllllll up on avoiding dat.
    • PAR EXAMPLE 3: On stage. I love the stage and am very comfortable on it. However I still have my moments when I’m completely terrified of looking stupid/acting dumb/being a shitty performer, especially in my improv. When I watch many of my friends and peers perform, I see a freedom and carefreeness and fearlessness that I’m so envious of, it drives me to perform more and more until I can be like them. I’m not yet, but I’m slowly getting there. Because as far as I’m concerned, the second you stop giving a shit about looking a fool, is the second you start being good. Like really, really, really good. Summer Ann, SHE DON’T GIVE A FUCK if she initiates every scene as a haggard old troll who drools out of her crotch. She alllllllll up on dat.
    • IN CONCLUSION: Honestly, who gives a fuck? The only reason why we worry about anything is usually because of our own insecurities and fears that people will abandon us and we’ll end up alone, looking stupid. What happens when you stop worrying so much about the possible consequences of your non-actions and you just live with the consequences? At least you can say you’ve made an active choice in the matter, right? So. This summer I DON’T GIVE A FUCK.
  4. Stop telling everyone who my crushes are – I have a real problem with this. I will pretty much tell anyone except for the people that I’m crushing on who I’m crushing on (read Example 1 on the section “NOT GIVING A FUCK”). Very poor strategy. What good does telling everyone who I wanna be smooching on? I just sound like a boy-crazy maniac. And I am a boy-crazy maniac, but not everyone has to know that. I will say this, however, talking about crushes is just too fun to pass up and often a way of bonding with people. Unless they like the same person as me. That’s the worst. Mostly because it reveals that they have shit taste like me. Burn on all the dudes I’ve liked, like and will ever like. BURN.
  5. Stop using caps to emphasize my point – Ahem.
  6. Get the sexiest tan – I know it’s bad for me, I know it’s gonna age me, and I know I’m gonna be terribly sweaty and uncomfortably hot while tanning, but I just want to look like the dark, Nubian princess I am on the inside, okay?
  7. Start watching RuPaul’s Drag Race – There is no good reason why I don’t already watch this show and I should be ashamed of myself for waiting this long.
  8. Make wearing a bow in my hair a thing – This is for sure the toughest challenge.
I wonder if I’m gonna have any friends left by the end of this summer. Oh, wait. I just remembered, I don’t give a fuck.

Summer Ann


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