This is about my relationship with Shoppers Drug Mart

Dear Shoppers Drug Mart,

I hate you. But I also love you. I hate to love you? I love to hate you? I don’t know. We have a very complicated relationship. While it’s true you don’t really satisfy my makeup needs (because I’m a slave to labels aka MAC), there’s something about you that makes me spend way more than I have to on stuff I for sure don’t need.
Maybe it’s the fact that you’re so convenient? I go to you when I need to pick up a few essentials: toothpaste, shampoo, a big bag of Miss Vicki’s Jalapeno chips. Once I get what I need, I always end up thinking “Well, while I’m here… Might as well look around” and that is where things go very, very wrong. As soon as I see your flimsy sale stickers hanging off the shelves, I’m drawn to you like a mosquito is drawn to a cup of sugar water left out for the sole purpose of KILLING MOSQUITOES. Hold up, this Aveno daily microexfoliant is on sale? I don’t care that I’ve already stockpiled 3 bottles of this at home, I NEED TO HAVE IT. THIS IS A GREAT DEAL.
Maybe it’s the fact that your Optimum reward points makes me think I’m contributing to a greater good (that greater good being future purchases). I can’t pass up the opportunity to get 1000 extra Optimum points if I buy 3 or more products from Rimmel even though Rimmel is THE CRUDDIEST LINE IN THE UNIVERSE. So what if it takes me literally a year to earn enough points to get $25 off? I’m just gonna buy shit I don’t need with that anyway, so who even cares, right? Right? Thinking about it, I used to be so good with those “Buy $50 and get 20x the points” weekends. I would plan out what I’d be needing soon and hold off on buying them until I could really get more bang for my buck. But now I just go crazy and buy everything all the time. I guess it’s not really your fault, Shoppers Drug Mart, that I have zero self-control when it comes to making beauty investments like dry shampoo and powder volumizer, which are basically the same thing. Did I buy them both? Yes. Do I regret it? No.
Or maybe it’s the fact that halfway through my shopping trip, I inevitably end up needing to poo, so instead of putting down everything I’ve picked up, I quickly head straight to the cash register and buy every single impulse item I’ve got in my greedy, well-manicured hands.
And don’t think I’m unaware of your sly tricks. I won’t be fooled by your Beauty Boutique and the increased presence of high-end brands like Dior, Lancome, Clinique, Smashbox, Guerlain, Benefit and Too Faced. I admit, I’ve been lured in by your siren song, but then I quickly remember that most of those brands are for old ladies. I will not be robbed of my youth yet, Shopper’s Beauty Boutique. Also stop trying to shove Lise Watier down my throat. I don’t care if the products are good, I just think that company is for lady duds.
So there it is, Shoppers Drug Mart. It’s really not your fault that I just can’t get enough of you and your wares. You’re no better than a whore who sells herself for money, but I’m no better than that seedy John who wants to pick you up and make gross, sewagey love to you in a dark dumpster.
Conflictedly yours,

1 thought on “This is about my relationship with Shoppers Drug Mart

  1. dude. 20x this weekend aka tomorrow. but what you really gotta look for is the 18,500 pts. when you spend 75$ event. i know you have to spend more to get it, but you’re actually getting more points per dollar (’cause if you were to spend 75 bucks at a 20x the points event, you’d only get 15,000 pts).

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