This is about Halloween costumes

Ahhhh. October. The month where girls go crazy nuts trying to figure out the perfect Halloween costume. Halloween is a special time of year, because it’s when a lot of our inner skanks come out and reveal themselves in the form of a costume. Let’s keep it real, I am for sure one of those girls who loves to find reasons to dress like a big ol’ Slutty Butty, except I think I have a very different definition of what it means to be skanky.
Me as Lil’ Kim in 2006. Does it count as being “slutty” if guys are completely terrified of my face?
I decided to help you ladies (and so inclined gentlemen) with some sexy costume ideas. These aren’t you’re typical “Sexy Nurse” or “Sexy Devil” or “Sexy Sexy Girl” ideas. These are more thinking-out-of-the-box sexy. Because in my opinion, you can dress however sexy you want, as long as you’ve got a brain (so guys can ignore your brain and just stare at your cleavage all night). I can’t and won’t take credit for all of these since some of these ideas have been brainstormed over the years with friends as possible costumes for ourselves. Here is a list of things I would love to see girls with low self-esteem/girls with high self-esteem and a sense of humour sluttify.
  • Sexy TTC Employee – You have to have no sense of common decency and sit frowning all night
  • Sexy Migrant Worker – You have to do everything every white person tells you to do, but you’ll have sexy sweat stains (hint: sweat makes boys think of sex)
  • Sexy Fire Hydrant – You’ll make people wet
  • Sexy Occupy Wall Street Protestor – No one will know you’re around, but it’s topical!
  • Sexy Surgeon – You have to wear the mask
  • Sexy Sturgeon – You have to be a fish
  • Sexy Security Guard – AKA Paul Blart Mall Cop, the sexiest of all fictional characters
  • Sexy Beethoven – You’ll dance to your own music since you’re deaf
  • Sexy Meatloaf – The food, not the singer
  • Sexy Meatloaf – The singer, not the food
  • Sexy Dad – You go as your dad, but sexy. And maybe I’ll date you and be your new mom.
  • Sexy Shot Putter – Show off by shot putting that disk in your batty crease
  • Sexy Blue Man Group – Blue paint, naked body
  • Sexy Funeral Home Director – You have to be really sombre all night
  • Sexy Peach – Show dat shrivelled pit
  • Sexy Dandruff – Get creative with this abstract one
  • Sexy Puppet – You’re gonna have to let people put their hand in your butt, though
  • Sexy Bottle of Lotion – Helps with situations that require lubrication (like someone getting stuck in their costume. Or maybe to help out the person who went as a Sexy Puppet if someone got stuck up there)
  • Sexy Pan’s Labyrinth – Needs no explanation
Just think about it, okay?

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