There is no greater face accessory than false eyelashes. I went there, I said it and you’re allowed to disagree with me, but you’d be totally wrong. Now, this means a lot, especially coming from a glamonster (glamourous monster) who tried very, very hard to bring face jewels into the main stream and failed. Any way, I was talking to a friend a few days ago and she expressed her desire to give falsies a try, but she just didn’t know where to wear them. After the initial joy of having someone else initiate a glamversation (glamourous conversation) wore off, I sobered up and quickly answered her question.
You can wear false lashes anywhere and everywhere and any time.
Anyone who tells you otherwise is an unglamourous stinkpot loser who doesn’t deserve the air they breathe. You can effing wear whatever the hell you like as long as you’ve got the swagger and attitude to pull it off and lashes are a great example of that. Like, hello, I’ve worn lashes to Wal-Mart while wearing stained clothing. Why was I going to Wal-Mart? To get some false lashes, duh, NYX ones are super cheap there if you can find them. Did anyone even notice? Probably not, but I knew they were there and that’s all that matters. I wear falsies on stage while doing a show, I wear them when I’m feeling particularly babely on a regular day, and my favourite time to wear them is when my makeup is already fierce-as-hell and they become the proverbial cherry on my glamdae (glamourous sundae). They make your eyes pop and, in my opinion, adds a certain polish to your entire ensemble. It tells the world you care that much more and thought about how you wanted to present yourself: a hot, fierce bitch who has enough hand-eye coordination to glue a 3 cm strip of hair to each eyelid.
Personally, I wear falsies because I have dinky little Asian lashes that are hard to curl and not even the most wondrous of mascaras make that much of an impact on them. My mom recently revealed to me that she cut my eyelashes when I was a baby because they were “too long.” I haven’t spoken to her since. Just kidding. I talk to her, but it’s only to yell at her for RUINING MY GODDAMN LIFE FOREVER.
This could’ve been me.
Of course there’s a time and a place for subtlety and that’s why different styles of falsies exist. So that you can never go through the pain of having regular eye lashes, if you so choose. For natural/neutral looks, whether I rock it day or night, my favourite go-to style of lash are the halfsies. They look really natural and add length and volume to the outer half, which makes my flat little Asian eyes look longer and slightly bigger. So basically, I look hot.
These are my absolute favourite. And I think they’re now discontinued. EFF YOU, MAC.
For more dramatic looks, I tend to gravitate towards lashes that sort of criss-cross (MAC daddy’ll make you JUMP JUMP) and are shorter at the inner corners and then sexily flare out towards the outer corners. Again, it elongates my eye shape while also making them look slightly bigger. One might call it a cat eye. I call it a glam eye (I call everything a glam eye, though).
Me-effing-ow, you know?
If I wanted a big doe eyes/doll-eyed effect, I would go for a set that had longer lashes more in the middle of the strip and shorter towards the inner and outer ends. If I wanted pure volume and real drama, I would go for a set that had a lot of hairs and was very dense. I could really go on for a while because there are just dozens and dozens and dozens of different styles of falsies. There is zero chance you won’t find a pair that make you feel real glam and fierce. To the untrained eye, your eyes lashes will just look extra alluring because of the added volume and length, but to anyone who looks carefully or is in the know, lashes are just as much a fun and sassy accessory as a cute purse or shoes. You really can’t fuck them up.
Unless you’re this girl.
So basically, what you should take from all this is:
FALSE LASHES = SEXY HOTNESS
Also, don’t ever fall asleep with lashes on unless you like waking up and having the garbage scared out of you because you found one strip on your pillow and you thought all your eyelashes fell out and then when you stumble to the bathroom you find the other pair stuck to your forehead.