Every few months I remember just how much I love white boy rappers and when I alerted all my friends of this by posting it on the ol’ Book of Faces, one of my pals asked/joked that I published my To Bone list (aka people I wanna bone). And while I won’t get into specific names because that for sure would be my death knell, I thought it would be a good exercise (in vanity…. heh) for me to go through the types of dude found on my To Bone list.
ANN’S TO BONE LIST
- Dudes who are hot
- Dudes who are sort of hot
- Dudes who are hot to some and not to everyone else
- Dudes who have grey hair
- Dudes who have brown hair
- Dudes who have black hair
- Dudes who have blond hair
- Dudes who have red hair
- Dudes who have brown eyes
- Dudes who have green eyes
- Dudes who have blue eyes
- Dudes who have two eyes
- Dudes who have at least one real eye
- Dudes who are tall
- Dudes who are short
- Dudes who are short but act like they’re tall
- Dudes who are tall but hunch over so they’re short
- Dudes who are ripped
- Dudes who are not ripped
- Dudes who are kind of ripped
- Dudes that used to be ripped
- Dudes that are thicky boys
- Dudes that are thin boys
- Dudes that are triangle shaped
- Dudes that are square shaped
- Dudes that are circle shaped
- Dudes that are trapezoid shaped
- Dudes that are any quadrilateral shaped
- Dudes with curly hair
- Dudes with straight hair
- Dudes with lots of hair
- Dudes with no hair
- Dudes with chest hair
- Dudes with back hair
- Dudes with short hair
- Dudes with long hair
- Dudes who spend too much time on their hair
- Dudes who spend not enough time on their hair
Now that we’ve narrowed down the field a bit, let’s get into personality because it’s the second most important trait when looking for a man.
- Confidence – There is nothing sexier than a man who knows how to work with what he’s got. This is different from boys who think they’re the best and, obviously, dudes who are total wieners. As far as I’m concerned, there isn’t a thin line between cockiness and confidence – There’s a huge, thick, red line with flashing lights and barbed wire separating them. Cockiness is just veiled and deep-rooted insecurity. Cocky dudes think their shit don’t stink and they use their “confidence” to mask the fact that deep down inside, they feel so badly about themselves they have to over compensate. Cocky dudes also love to shit-talk others to prove how superior they are. Confidence is knowing what you’ve got to offer, but also knowing that your shit stinks like the rest of ours. Confident guys know what they’re good at, what they’ve got to offer to the world and womanity, but they don’t need to belittle anyone to prove their point.
- Swagger – I don’t even know how to describe this one fully, other than it’s similar to confidence, but it’s not the same thing. Swag is just… that je ne sais quoi. You either got it or you don’t. You can’t fake it. You just have it. If I had to attempt to describe it, it’s how you carry yourself? I don’t know. I just know it when I see it, and when I see it, I get a huge lady boner.
This mad fly honey has huge swagger.
- Talent – Be it music, acting, visual arts, sports, cooking, knowing useless trivia, being really good with kids etc etc, if you’re really good at something, you’re GOLDEN. Talent is one of those things that tells you someone has the capacity to work hard at something, because you don’t get good at stuff by doing nothing. AND YOU GOTTA WORK HARD TO GET WITH THIS PIECE.
- Sense of humour – No one likes a duddy.
Be like him.
- Old-fashioned – As much as I’m a fierce independent lady, when it comes down to it, I want an old-fashioned guy. He doesn’t need to open every single door or pull out my chair all the time, but sometimes (a lot of the times) it just needs to get done. Similarly, guys need to takes the time to plan out an actual date because all ladies deserve to feel like their guy wants them and wants to impress them. I’m so sick of hearing how dates are just “hanging out.” A date is a DATE. That means both parties are actively trying to make the other feel real special. That being said, not everything has to be a date, but what the hell is a relationship where all you’re doing is hanging out and watching stuff on TV? Boring. Bring back romance, people.
- Charming – Move on, Awkward Boys. I went through a bit of a phase where I thought I loved awkward boys, but after thinking about it, that is for sure not my jam. Why should I settle for some guy who has trouble starting a conversation, asking questions to keep a conversation going and who tapers off to end conversations. NO THANK YOU, BYE BYE. Now, I know a lot of my lady friends do love them, so I understand they’ve got their places in the circle of life. They just don’t have a place in my heart or bed. Gimme a guy who knows what to say, how to say it, when to say it, where to say it, please and thank you.
- Be a rapper – Specifically one who raps about ladies being pretty. So basically, be Drake or LL Cool J or TI.
This makes my panties go BOOM.
Also, this list is a nice little summary of why I’m constantly single.
Whatever. EAT IT, WORLD.